“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’” ~Erich Fromm
I ended my last post by saying that writing it lead to, what may be, the most mature decision of my life. Well, this is the post where I tell you about that decision.
First, lets start with the setting where I wrote my last post. It was the night before I moved out of my St. Louis apartment for good. Earlier that day I had dropped off my modem and router so, I had no internet. I had also loaded everything that I could into my van. The only things left in my apartment were the bed I was to sleep on that night and certain things I didn’t want to sit in a van overnight in city of St. Louis. That left me sitting on the floor of my apartment with not to do but think. That’s when Why I’m Over Sex came to me.
As soon as I finished writing that post I thought, “Wow. Is this really how I feel?” The answer was, yes, and I realized I had to make a change in plans. Plans that were due to start the very next day.
What were my plans?
I was headed to Southeast Missouri for a night. The following day, I was going to drive to North Carolina. After about a month of fun in North Carolina, I planned to work my way across the country into Mexico. I have been wanting to visit Asheville, NC for a while now. I’ve heard what a great town it was and that I would fit right in. I even got in touch with a small book store about giving a talk and possibly selling my books there. My brother also lives in North Carolina and I was due for a visit. In Mexico there this small beach town called Puerto Peñasco that had plenty of RV parks for snowbirds or van dwellers like myself. It seemed like a super affordable place for me to park my van on the beach. Now, these all sound like good reasons to go to both North Carolina and Mexico but none to them WERE that actual reasons.
The real reason I was going to Mexico.
In 2010 I went on a date with a beautiful Mexican woman I met in to the romantic city of Guanajuato, Mexico. We had dinner, went for a walk, had coffee, conversed and then went out dancing. Well, the date may actually have ended before the “out dancing” part took place. I say this because after coffee, I started working on getting drunk and met up with the young girl I had been seeing for a while. So yeah, I went out dancing with my date and my girlfriend. No wonder I got drunk.
Obviously, I didn’t get a second date. We did stay in touch though, thanks to Facebook. For six years, off and on with respect each other’s relationship status, we flirted with each other from afar. One day, not too long ago I made the comment to her on Facebook, “Meet me in Puerto Peñasco.” Her response was, “You say frog, I will jump.” English is her second language. 🙂
So after six years of flirting and exchanging comments via Facebook we had agreed to a second date. I just had to get to Mexico. But first, I was off to North Carolina.
The real reason I was going to North Carolina.
Before this website I used to blog via Tumblr. I didn’t get the outrageous following a cute girl who posted selfies would but I was doing ok. One day, I came across a stash of my “Train Naked” t-shirts. Besides my size, XL Tall, there were some women’s small and mediums in there. I decided to offer these shirts on my Tumblr to anyone one wanted one. One of the women who responded had been a long time follower. She reblogged something of mine almost daily. When she saw my offer she immediately responded with her address… North Carolina. When I inquired about what size she wanted, she alluded to being busty. This got my attention. I immediately strolled through her Tumblr looking for a picture of her. She was gorgeous!
When I sent her a message that her t-shirt was on the way I also sent my phone number and told her to text me if she ever felt like it. Several weeks later, out of the blue, I got a text. We communicated via text off and on for over a year. At times it was daily and at others, monthly. Over time we developed fondness and attraction toward each other. We had this fantasy of meeting each other and being lovers. Her on-again-off-again relationship with her boyfriend and my inability to travel at the time, prevented it from ever actually happening — until recently.
We started texting again. She was single and I was mobile. There was no reason for us not to meet up. So, we made plans. I was to swing by Asheville and pick her up. We were going to camp in my van on an organic farm while she showed me around Asheville for a few days. After, she was to travel with me for a while. She even was going to bring her dog. It was practically everything I wanted out of life. A beautiful woman who wanted to be my lover, to travel with me in my van, and was bringing a dog. Perfect!
The day before I was supposed to arrive I sent her this:
“Had a real moment the other night when I was sitting alone in my apt. I’m not coming.”