How To Be Attractive


“Watching him with one eye, she wondered if men ever figured out that they were more appealing when they were pursuing their own work than when they were pursuing women.” ~Mary Doria Russell, The Sparrow

It’s crazy how my memory works. I can’t remember if I locked the door of a coffee shop bathroom 5 seconds after I did it (imagine sitting on the toilet wondering is someone is going to walk in on you because you can’t remember if you locked it or not) but I can remember things like how the custodian at the preschool I went to swept sand back into the sandbox. He used a push broom and did it with the rhythm of long-short-short. He name was Richard. He was tall, had a beard, and would do roundhouse kicks in the air when prompted by us. I don’ know why I told you all this maybe because I wanted to start this article off with a memory.

In my sophomore year of high school, I took a video production class. One day during this class, we were reviewing the editing job of one of another student’s. He had put music to video someone had shot of a cross country meet. The video mostly featured one runner in particular. I forgot his name. But, boy could this guy run. He was setting records and winning races like crazy. He was awesome. It was obvious that running was his gift.

In the class with me was your typical hot 80s high school girl. She was a tall blond with big hair. She was a Junior and so was her boyfriend, a Mexican dude with a mullet. Anyway, while watching the video of this dude running she said out loud to herself, “He is such a stud.” I don’t know if anyone was supposed to hear her say that. She didn’t look around as to get an acknowledgment of her comment. She just said it, while continuing to stare at the video with her jaw dropped a little. I could see it then and remember it to this day. She was attracted to him.

You could tell what she was attracted to by looking at her boyfriend. Tall, handsome, well-built football player type. The complete opposite of this short, scrawny, eyeglass wearing, long distance runner. That didn’t matter, though. She was in complete awe of this little “stud” and I believe it’s because he was practicing his gift.

Confidence is attractive

I’ve heard this for years but I felt like I still needed some clarification, so I asked for some input on social media. The question I asked was “What’s the difference between confidence and cockiness?” One of the comments I got back was this, “A confident person is sexy – they are aware of their God-given talents and are grateful. A cocky bastard may also have talent but makes sure everyone knows it. They believe they are better than everyone and look down on everyone around them – ugly to the core”

Musicians and athletes are well known for attracting a lot of women, regardless of what they look like. You would think it was their fame that made them attractive but in reality, not all musicians are famous. A lot are even broke but they still get girls. I feel the attraction comes from observing them using their gift. When they are famous more people see them doing what they are good at. That’s the benefit of fame.

It works the other way too, of course. I’ve witnessed this first hand. A few years ago I was in a relationship with a very pretty woman. She was quite sexy but never sexier than when I saw her perform. We had been dating for a while. I was already very attracted to her but there was something about seeing her on stage. When she performed she was in a zone. Confidence radiated from her. I was in awe and couldn’t wait to get her home.

Stop trying to get abs

Be confident instead. Perform your gift. Use your talent. You will be more attractive than any amount of CrossFit WODs can do for you. There are a lot of miserable people in the world. I see it every day. They are working at the grocery store or the coffee shop. Ever see a confident happy cashier at Walmart?

When are you more confident than when are you doing what you are good at? This is why I am a fan of strengthening your strengths. It builds confidence and thus, makes you attractive. Imagine if we allowed our children to do what they were good at all the time. They would be confident attractive people and not worry about trying to look attractive. Maybe it would eliminate body image issues. Imagine your child feeling attractive and not associating it with how they look.

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